Monday, March 7, 2011

At that moment, I knew what love is - Happy International Women day

Happy International Women’s Day.

First, let me introduce myself;  I am a father of two; one smart boy and a sweet little  girl.   This article is based on what I have experienced in life.

Let me start with my son, who was born ten years ago, on a Wednesday evening in the millennium year 2000.   I got a phone call that day morning to let me know that my wife was admitted in  hospital for delivery, and was advised not to worry.  Tension mounted to this first time father - I flew from Bangalore to Chennai with lot of anxiety about the new born, will my wife be safe, will the baby he healthy, is it going to be boy or girl, will the baby  look like me, etc, etc.   When my son was born I was flying very high (quite literally, at 30000 feet above ground).    It was so timed, when I reached the hospital the nurse was getting the baby out and I was the first person to take the baby on hand.  When the nurse put the infant on my arms, I just frozen for a second and thrilled with the sudden promotion as a father.  I heard many times, you don’t have to teach fish to swim,  I think the same is true for the infants to smile, I got mesmerized by the smile of the 30 minutes old infant.   It was an wonderful experience of a first time father, a little smile from the baby made my life -  at the moment, I knew what love is as a father.

My son grew up and at every stage, I had a lot of learning.  During he early stages, learnt to sleep (and not sleep)  in haphazard timings; learnt tiny bit of work (large portion was done by my wife!!) on diaper change, feeding and so on.   During his toddler stage, I learnt quite of rhymes and stories to get occupied with  him, particularly on bed time.    When the little boy grew up,  I learnt things from him, one such example -  me and my son were try to quench our thirst with tender coconut,  took the straw out with hand closed on one side and let the coconut water on the ground. I asked him, “Karthik, why are you wasting the water?”, his response was “I am cleaning the straw, though the coconut water may be good, with dirt in the straw it will make it bad”. I learnt this simple technique from my son – at the moment, more than love I was pride to learn from us son.

Seven years later, my daughter was born.   This time I was with my wife through the pregnancy, as were living in England did not have extended family support during the first nine months of her pregnancy.  I want to tell you one thing during my wife’s pregnancy, my nature of job warrants a lot of long phone conversations, my wife used to tell me that, “your daughter when born will recognize you only by voice”,  when I joked that time, but I realized that was true later.   I could still remember inch by inch when my wife went through the labor, I was with her during that time.   While on one hand we were eagerly waiting for the  baby to arrive, on the other hand I was very tensed, looking at the pains what my wife was go through, after a long labor the sweet little girl was out to the world.    My wife was still suffering with pains and discomfort post labor.  However when the pink beauty was placed on the arms of my wife, I saw a brightness (can’t be measured by watts) on her face – at the moment, I knew what love is as a mother.

Me, my wife and my son were experiencing the little one grew up day by day.  I still recollect my son counted the number times her sister “turned around” when she was about 3 months old.  Our daughter also have gave us lot of learning in the early stages, this time managing two children who are six years apart, balancing the love and managing possessiveness of both children.

When my daughter was around two years old she started speaking few words,  any parent would want their child to say Amma (Mom in tamil) as the first word, but I did not want my child to say Amma (as my wife passed away when my daughter was 8 months old).   After my wife passed away, I doubled my role as father and mother for my children with support from my other family members.   Days, weeks and months passed by, my daugther was making few words and sentences and very playful.   One day she said “Amma” and it was me (her father) whom she called as “Amma”,  it was a very mixed feeling, very happy when my daughter called me (she still does) as Mother and very sad that she did not have actual mother.   This is really rare recognition to a father I am will remember this for my life.  I must tell you, at the moment, as a man I knew myself what a love is as a mother, great experience, truly women are gifted. 

Happy International Womens day – out of numerous roles what a woman plays in life MOTHER is the greatest role.